Today's corrupted notion of love robs us of joy

'What's love got to do with it?" That's the refrain from ahit song by Tina Turner.

I thought of that as I watched my children duking it out --figuratively speaking, of course -- over whose turn it was to ride aparticular scooter. There's one for each child, but Dad and I neveractually "assigned" them (big mistake -- duh), and now it's too late.

So, there they were scrapping over one of them, for no otherreason than the other child wanted it.

What does love have to do with it?

Everything. Only, here's the problem. In today's language, "love"means a gooey warm feeling toward another. So, as the children werefighting, if I were to say, "Do you feel love toward each other rightnow?" I'd probably get a big fat "NO!" in unison.

But the proper meaning of love really isn't warm or romanticfeelings, as wonderful as those are. The proper meaning of "love" isa more ancient, even biblical one, meaning to be committed toanother, to doing good unto that other, regardless of any feelingsinvolved at the moment, and regardless of whether the object of thatlove even deserves it at the moment.

I've been talking about that lately with my kids. I don't askthem, "Do you feel loving toward your sister right now?" I ask them,"Are you showing love toward your sister or brother right now? Areyou committed to doing good to them even if you don't 'feel' likeit?"

I'm trying to teach them that love is action.

So, when it comes to things like the scooter, sometimes I'll stepin and say, "that toy is a lot less important than your relationshipas sisters. I want you to show love to each other right now and workit out."

When the answer "I'm trying" comes back through two sets oftightly clenched jaws, I'm not naive enough to think the lesson hasgotten through. But hopefully, it's a start.

Feelings come and go, but true love, a commitment to anotherinstead of ourselves, perseveres.

Unfortunately, our culture revolves around "feelings" of love asthe be-all and end-all. So, in marriage, if I don't "feel" in lovewith my spouse, I'm out of here! But what about nurturing that senseof love, being committed to doing good unto another regardless of thewhims of the moment? It used to be well understood that a feeling ofromantic love couldn't sustain a marriage over a lifetime, and sothere was a need for a legal contract.

Now, the contract is deemed meaningless if romantic love does notflourish every moment.

So people rob themselves of the opportunity to experience "truelove" -- the joy of a sustained commitment to another, not ourselves.

Hey, I love being "in love" with my husband, but even that termhas taken on a much deeper and more satisfying meaning for me than itdid when we married 17 years ago.

The notion of love is so corrupted in our culture. Look at anywoman's magazine or television show. We've come to believe, as theRighteous Brothers put it in a hit song long ago, that if "you'velost that lovin' feeling"' then that means you've lost love.

But of course there are many times when we ourselves are not beingparticularly "lovable." Don't we want to believe, to know, thatothers who are committed to us, who love us, don't stop beingcommitted to us during those times? Yet, if we are so fixated on lovebeing nothing but a feeling, as we are in our culture, how can wepossibly have that assurance?

In many marriage ceremonies, someone will read First Corinthians13 from the Bible, about how love is patient and kind, suffers long,does not seek its own, and the list goes on. Are they reallylistening? Love is in the doing. Love is putting the object of ourlove before ourselves, even if they don't deserve it at the moment.

That's what we are trying to teach our kids. To ignore themessages from the popular culture that have corrupted the meaning oflove, to understand that warm feelings of love are wonderful, buttrue love is action. True love is commitment. The marvelous thing, ofcourse, is that that action and commitment can produce a richness anddepth of feeling and emotion far greater than we'd otherwiseexperience.

In fact, the irony is that today's corrupted notion of love hasrobbed too many people of the joy of true love.